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| Home again, safe and sound! |
As we drove into town I had an anxious feeling in my
stomach. We searched for what was the same (most everything) and what looked
different (not much). We commented on how green the grass was (must have been a
lot of rain because it's usually brown by this time of summer), how large the
neighbors' evergreens had grown, and which flowers were still in bloom
(coneflowers, daisies, and bee balm in the front planter). When we arrived home
we all sat in the car for a moment looking at one another before approaching
the house. This was it - the end of our six month journey and the beginning of
“real” life again. Would it be the same? Had we somehow changed?
We all entered the house together. Jim and I both had the
same initial reaction—the house felt small. How terribly ironic after living in the tiny Burro for six months! In reality, the Burro was our
shelter, but the outdoors had become our home. Compared to the all the amazing
places we’d explored our house is small.
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| Gifts from our Schmeeckle friends |
Our kitchen and coffee tables were covered with "welcome home" gifts from our neighbor, Julie,
and Jim’s coworkers. The gifts made us feel happy, missed, and loved. They also
gave us something new and exciting to focus on, rather than feeling like something
was ending. As we ventured to the backyard together, the neighbors came to our
yard to greet us. The lawn was mowed and there were a few raspberries on the
bushes. Our first mail was in the box. The house across the street had not only
a ‘for sale’ sign in the yard, but also a ‘sold’ sign. Two houses down, completely
new neighbors had already settled in. There was change all around, but everything
felt remarkably the same.
We brought little in from the car and Burro because we
had so much in the house—clothes, dishes, toys. I took everything from our
packed tiny refrigerator/freezer in the Burro and put it in the house. The huge
refrigerator looked empty, like a college student’s. It felt like wasteful
luxury to turn on the faucet and have running water. As a society, we’ve become
really removed from this fact. When you carry your water in a jug from a faucet
to your campsite every day, you are extremely aware of how much you use.
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| Hugs from "My Julie" our neighbor who watched over the house while we were away |
Later in the evening, Walden was eating a snack at the kitchen
table and asked, “Is this our house?” I said, “Yes, it is. Do you think we
should stay a while?” He said, “It feels like a different house.” I knew what
he meant and agreed completely. It took a while to remember where things were
that I used regularly before we left—the plastic bags, Walden’s cups. We left
in March, so there were winter boots by the door. My closet was full of long
sleeved shirts and sweaters. There were babyish things everywhere—childproof locks
on the kitchen cupboards, a baby bathtub, 2-T onesies. We left with a toddler
and came back with a little boy.
Readjusting is hard. Really hard. We were all in a funk
and out of sorts the first few days back in Wisconsin. Luckily, we had four days
at home together before Jim went back to work. There was so much to do that it
was overwhelming, yet we just wanted to be outside taking a walk. That is what
we knew; what was familiar. Being outside. Being together. Enjoying simple
things. We muddled through those first few days with a combination of working
and playing. We hadn’t ridden our bikes in six months so we made that a high
priority. We are very aware that this beautiful weather will not last, and
before long, we'll be holed up inside for the winter.
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| How Walden spent the final hours on the drive home |
Walden has had to learn new boundaries. At first he
wanted constant attention, but over time he is learning to play by himself more.
He’s been extra tired. I think life at home is overwhelming for him just like
it is for us. We are also starting potty training. It is time. I’m trying not
to push too hard, but at the same time I thought perhaps he would take to the idea
of being home means lots of new things and using the toilet is one of them.
We all had trouble sleeping for days. Our bed felt too
soft and too big. Walden stayed in his bed all night, but would end up on top of
the covers with his head at the bottom of the bed away from the pillows. There
were so many unfamiliar sounds—a train, clocks ticking, an air conditioner, the
toilet flushing. Ever since he was a baby, Walden has fallen asleep to the sound
of rain from a sound machine. In the Burro, we simulated this by playing rain
sounds on an iPad which helped us all sleep well. Now that we’re home, Walden
has his sound machine back in his room. I’ve had to use the iPad in our room
several nights in order to sleep.
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| Still smiling on the final miles of the trip (he drove all 18,500 of them) |
The house feels so full of stuff. We wonder why we have
all this stuff. Both Jim and I have found ourselves wanting to purge and simplify
now that we are back. Walden, on the other hand, is loving having all his toys
back. It feels like we are living in a toy store and every day he discovers something
new he had forgotten about. In hindsight, I should have stashed most of his
toys away and he would never have noticed they were gone.
I'm trying to freeze an entire summer’s worth of produce
to make up for lost time. Friends have generously shared their produce and I’ve
gone to the farmer’s market for more. Walden and I picked raspberries to freeze
and we’ll be going to the apple orchard soon. I love the harvest season in
Wisconsin.
Deciding what to do first has been a challenge. I still
haven’t made a list. I just tackle whatever is in front of me first. Getting groceries
and toilet paper were priority. Then there are dentist, doctor, and chiropractor
appointments to make up for being gone. Oh, and we are considering preschool
two days a week, so I need to figure that out. My attempt at unpacking was a
failure because every time I picked something up, I was interrupted by something
more pressing. Finally, I just took our huge mess from the car and Burro into
the basement and said I'll deal with it later.
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| One final selfie on the road |
One thing I’ve noticed since being back is that it is
much easier for me to leave the chores behind and spend time having fun with
Walden. I used to tell him— after the dishes are done or the laundry is on the
line. Now I leave the piles behind and we go to the park. Those other things
will wait. I also find myself taking time to stop and rest when I need to.
Usually it is in the form of watching the birds in the birdbath out front or
sitting to write this blog. I’ve noticed I’m better able to deal
with Walden when he is tired than I used to be. I can tell when his behavior is
driven by the need to rest and give him leeway or more patience. All of these
shifts make me feel like a better mother, so I hope I can hold on to them and not
fall back into old patterns.
Life in the Burro was so much simpler. There was no
bathroom to clean or flowerbeds to weed. I knew exactly where everything was, within arm’s reach or a few steps away. I know we’ll settle into a new
normal again. Somehow I want to find a way to bring as much of our Burro life
into this house—simplicity, time outdoors, spending time together, gratitude.
All those things are still in us, we just have to be careful not to let them
get buried under all this “stuff.” Stuff being both the physical items we don’t
use, as well as the stuff (worry, stress, commitments) that gets in the way of
what is real.
